No talking allowed

Yoga has convinced me to consider a lot of things I've never wanted to do before, like cleanses, teaching and taking on a second job. The latest thing on my mind is a 10-day silent meditation retreat. I'm usually pretty cool with intensity, but no joke, the idea of this retreat scares the sh*t out of me.

I met with one of my main teachers last week to discuss meditation. I haven't sat with a lot of teachers, so I don't have much experience with the different styles. He gave me some suggestions on how to lead, but also recommended I take a beginning meditation series through the Seattle Insight Meditation Center. Then he suggested I consider a silent meditation retreat at a center south of Seattle, Northwest Vipassana Center.

What is a silent meditation retreat, you ask? I don't know much. But the main thing that leaps out at me is you do not talk for T-E-N D-A-Y-S. It sounds preposterous. Can't I start off easier? How about three days? Three days sounds perfecto.

But no. There are a lot of rules and I bet they do not look kindly upon lame yogis who want to bail three days in. (There's also some talk about 10 days just scratching the surface. Seriously?) But the retreat is donation based, and it's two hours from Seattle, which meets my vacation-taking criteria for this year: affordable and close. I am saving like mad for my next teacher training, so I am avoiding costly trips. The one thing I do have in abundance, for the first time in my life, is paid vacation. I get four weeks a year, plus we have to take five days of furlough by year's end. I have the time. But I also have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I am contemplating it out loud here in the hopes it will stop me from freaking out about it. But my gut tells me the freak out is the very reason to do it. Am I the most perverse person on the planet? Magic 8 Ball: Without a doubt.